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#8: Not Everyone Wants to Grow, but We Can Positively Change That.

Updated: May 12, 2020

“Everybody just doesn’t want to grow Theresa.”


“Excuse me!? What do you mean?” That was my reaction when my friend shared this brutal truth with me. I couldn’t believe it. And I refused to accept it. What do you mean not everyone wants to grow?! Tell me who doesn’t wanna grow so I can have a talk with them!

For someone like myself who is literally obsessed with getting better, I just could not fathom this thought. However, as the reality of what she was saying started to settle in, I felt devastated and disappointed. Was I really alone in wanting the absolute BEST for myself?! Was everyone else okay with mediocrity?! It’s so disheartening to think about because I know we’re all capable of so much MORE.

That’s exactly how I view myself sometimes when I feel like I might be wasting my potential. Then I have to realize that all of that negativity is actually counter-intuitive. Being hard on myself doesn’t get me to be better it just makes me bitter. It makes me resent where I am currently at and not feel motivated to get where I want to be. Hmm. So you mean to tell me, that tough love doesn’t always work?

Sorry to be the one to break it to you friend, but no, it does not. That’s why I started getting trained in positive psychology to not only enhance my skills as a Development Coach, but to help myself use positive experiences to illicit more growth. It’s true, people may sometimes benefit from a little bit of tough lovin’. But more often than not it’s our positive experiences that help us to achieve more and get closer to becoming our best.

Instead of focusing heavily on what am I doing wrong, I ask myself, “Okay, but what have you done right?” At times, when I want to be dramatic I often want to tell myself that I’ve done nothing right and that I’m a failure. But we all know that’s a lie. I force myself to write down what I’ve done right and identify my strengths, then I’m left facing the true reality of the situation. I am NOT a failure. I am resilient. I am so damn good at what I do, and I definitely see the areas where I can be even better. But having areas of opportunity does not make me any less great.

It’s after doing exercises such as these that I feel much more positive emotions towards my goals. Like woah, I really AM capable. I really do have the potential. I may not be perfect, but I could get pretty close. That is when I step into a flow. That is when I am energized and allow myself to pursue a little bit more.

In reality, it’s not that everyone doesn’t want to grow. I’ll remain in denial about that. Rather, It’s that they haven’t yet tapped into the positive emotions that motivate them to get even further. But we can still do that!

So I encourage you today, even though there may be a million and one things that are wrong, what are some things that you do right!? What are your strength areas? How do they make you feel?

If you need support with this exercise, email me for a strengths finder assessment that can identify your strength areas and help you lean into them even more on your growth journey.

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